New Year!
Posted by pastorpic on January 3, 2009
Ah – my first blog of the New Year. And, in case you hadn’t really noticed – my first blog in quite some time.
The reason I’m writing today is actually about that thing. I’ve noticed that, in my life, the time necessary for introspection often gets crowded out by the time needed for tasks. Those tasks vary, as they do for everyone. For me, most of my deep thinking ends up going into the sermons I prepare on a weekly basis and the Bible Studies I lead on a weekly basis, and the time left over ends up going to tasks at home – sometimes the necessary cleaning and cooking, remodeling, etc. – and then the “spare” time, I tend to squander in front of the x-box or TV. Often, the TV time is spent with my bride at my side, and we laugh or shake our heads together at what we’re seeing – so that’s not really “squandered” time, but anyway, the point remains that… I don’t spend much time being introspective, and that is to my detriment.
I spend time doing, or acting, or reacting – but not much time asking why did I do, or act, or react. I find myself asking cultural questions – like “Why is our society like this?” or “Why are we so blind to this?” but fail to ask the same questions about myself.
In part, that’s a hard thing to do in a public forum – a journal feels very private, but a blog is more… well – it exposes the inner workings of my brain for other people to comment on, and I’m not always comfortable with the vulnerability that creates.
But, as a pastor, I don’t always have a forum to simply throw out what I’m thinking and have people respond to it. My thoughts are supposed to be “spiritual” all the time, and “correct”, and I’d prefer this forum to be someplace I can throw thoughts out and not get creamed for it.
I long for the days when all the guys used to retreat into a smoking room and air their thoughts, argue about it, and be able to come out more educated for hearing everyone’s thoughts. Almost a sense of public introspection – things in my brain get expressed and other people comment on them, and I’m not insulted but I’m grown. I’d like this to be that kind of atmosphere, but I’m not sure I’m always willing to be that public, or capable of taking the shots to my thoughts that would allow this to be that forum. I become so attached to my ideas that I take intellectual criticism personally – not necessarily a good trait.
Anyway – I’ll work on it this year, and try to post some introspective thoughts at least once a week, and we’ll see what happens.
